Monday, April 16, 2012

Trusting God isn't always easy but the best

It has been quite awhile since I have written to say the least.  I would say I probably fail at blogging, but then again I haven't given it a good shot so here I go once again.  Israel was absolutely a life changing experience.  To say it simply I once read the Bible in black and white and now it is full of color and life.  I was blessed beyond belief to go and I thank God for such an incredible opportunity.  Since then so many things have happened.  I started my last semester of college, which ends in four weeks :), am living off-campus with two incredible girls, Mollie and Kayla; have two classes with my little sister being able to spend every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday with her going to chapel, lunch and classes, which I have absolutely loved.  But the main reason I finally started blogging again was because God had a change of plans with my life.  This summer I was planning on going to Togo, Africa on a medical missions trip with eight other amazing people.  I have been preparing this whole semester for it and couldn't have been more excited to go.  Well on 3/31 I was playing intramural soccer and managed to step on some uneven ground, which resulted in a torn ACL and inverted and torn lateral meniscus.  As I was going down I knew exactly what had happened and all I could think was why, why me, why again, why?   There were so many other people playing, over 50.  Not one of them got hurt and not that I would wish it upon them, but why me?  The first thing I said was my parents are going to kill me, which they didn't and have been amazing about it.   The following 10 days were a whirlwind going from one doctors appointment to the next, getting X-rays and an MRI, getting tons of calls form different medical people.  In short the doctor told me I needed surgery asap, but for me that wasn't the worst.  The worst was when I reminded him about Togo after hearing the results and he immediately swore and dropped his head (I sorta laughed later because I couldn't believe he swore,  after shadowing two doctors I came to find they will never swear unless they know the individual really well or something is serious and it happens to slip out.)  Once he lifted his head he said "Togo is absolutely out of the question."  I kept myself composed and left the office completely devastated.  Honestly at that moment I really could have cared less about what had happened to my leg, I was crushed about Togo.  Why, I felt like God had completely thrown Togo in my lap only to rip it out and taunt me this whole time.  On 4/10 I had surgery.  The doctor was able to repair both the meniscus and the ACL, but if the meniscus doesn't heal within six weeks he will have to take it out.   I have been recovering at my older sisters house and my mom flew out, which was such a blessing.  I can't say that recovery has been easy, its rather been frustrating due to insurance and medical equipment problems.  Now hear I am finally finding myself updating my blog after months of nothing.  To sum up all thats happened is difficult.  I am trusting the Lord, but it is not always easy especially when you see nothing ahead of you and I had Togo.  Still I know God's ways are perfect.  Life truly can change in a second,  but the joy in it all is knowing that although life may change God will still be with me and my family and friends by my side to get me through difficult times.  This is the blessing that I have because of Christ.  Not only that, but I know it could be much worse.  There are so many hurting with much more trying situations.  I may not be able to walk for awhile but I still have a leg and a healthy body.  Anyways that is my life at the moment.  It went from being really great to just about rock bottom, but like I said God has a purpose and I pray that I would remember that "God is always good it is how we view his goodness in our lives that affects our attitudes." Romans 5:3-5 "More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."